House Guest Etiquette
Ten rules for being the guest everyone invites back.
In short, make your stay easy for your host. Mention allergies before you arrive, come on time, keep your room tidy, offer to help, respect their privacy and plans, leave when you said you would and send a handwritten thank-you note.
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Tell your host about allergies before you arrive
Your host will plan meals around you. Send a short message a few days ahead and mention any allergy or food that makes you ill. For milder dislikes, think about how much extra work they would cause before you bring them up.
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Arrive on time, never early
The last minutes before guests arrive are the busiest for a host, so come at the agreed time and not before. Call ahead if you'll be more than 15 minutes late. Agreeing on arrival and departure times early avoids most awkward moments.
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Bring a small, thoughtful gift
It doesn't have to be expensive. Your host's favorite drink, flowers or a specialty from your hometown all work. Give it when you arrive, during your stay or afterwards, or treat your host to an outing instead.
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Make your bed every morning
You're staying in someone's home, not a hotel. Make the bed, keep your things together and leave the bathroom spotless. No muddy boots in the hall, no coats in the living room and no cups on every surface.
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Offer to help, especially in the kitchen
Offer to set the table, clear the plates or wash up. If your host says no, accept it and enjoy the evening. Some hosts like the kitchen to themselves, so don't walk in unless you're invited.
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Ask before you help yourself from the fridge
That bottle or those leftovers might already be planned for dinner, so ask first. The same goes for the drinks cabinet, the washing machine and a long hot bath during the day.
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Never snoop
Drawers, cupboards, closets and the bathroom cabinet are off limits. If you need something, ask. If you break something, tell your host straight away and offer to pay for it.
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Go along with your host's plans
Your host has probably planned a walk, a market or a dinner with friends. Join in, and check with them before you accept any other invitation. When you go out together, offer to pay for a round of drinks or a meal.
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Leave when you said you would
Leave on the day and at the time you agreed. As a rule of thumb, stay no more than three nights. Before you go, ask whether your host would like the bed stripped. If not, make it neatly.
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Send a handwritten thank-you note
Thank your hosts twice: once when you leave and again with a handwritten note within a day or two of getting home. Mention something specific you enjoyed. After two or three days, a note starts to look like an afterthought.
How the rules change around the world
Most of the rules above come from British and American etiquette. If you're staying with a family somewhere else, a few things change.
| Country | Arriving | Gifts | Also good to know |
|---|---|---|---|
| USA | On time, never early. Call if you'll be more than 15 minutes late. | A small gift, or treat your host to an outing. | In a 2018 YouGov poll, 57% of Americans usually took their shoes off at home, but half never asked guests to. |
| UK | At the agreed time. Confirm arrival and departure well in advance. | Thoughtful rather than expensive, like your host's favorite drink. | The thank-you letter after a stay is called a bread and butter letter. |
| Germany | Punctual. Being 10 to 15 minutes late is usually forgiven. | Flowers in an odd number, unwrapped before you hand them over. Wine or sweets work too. | Gifts are usually opened straight away. Don't go into other rooms unless you're invited. |
| India | 15 to 30 minutes after the stated time is fine. | Not expected but welcome: sweets, chocolates or something for the children. Avoid white flowers and leather. | Take your shoes off before you go in. Accept the chai you're offered, and eat and pass things with your right hand. |
| Japan | On time or a few minutes early. | Guests nearly always bring one, neatly wrapped and given with both hands. | Shoes come off in the entrance, the genkan. Wear the slippers you're offered; some homes have separate ones for the toilet. |
Frequently asked questions
How long should a house guest stay?
Three nights at most is a good rule of thumb. What matters more is agreeing on your arrival and departure in advance and sticking to it.
Should you take your shoes off when you stay with someone?
Follow your host's lead, and ask if you're not sure. In Japan and India, shoes come off at the door. In the US, 57% of people in a 2018 YouGov poll usually took their shoes off at home, but half never asked guests to.
What is a good gift for a host?
Something small and thoughtful rather than expensive, such as your host's favorite drink, flowers or a specialty from your hometown. Treating your host to an outing works too.
Should you strip the bed when you leave?
Ask your host first. If they say no, make the bed neatly and leave the room the way you found it.
When should you send a thank-you note after staying with someone?
Within a day or two of getting home. After two or three days, it starts to look like an afterthought.
One rule a day on Instagram
This guide grew out of our House Guest series on Instagram: eight of the ten rules, one a day.